Caught Between Divine Healing and a Lie

I debated whether or not to share this all over the web.  But, I really feel this is something that needs to be shouted from the rooftops.  This is a rather lengthy post, so please bear with me and ignore any glaring grammatical errors.

Let me start here by giving you some background - I have a spiritual pedigree about two miles long. Born into a family of pastors, church planters, evangelists, Christian musicians, and missionaries that date back to the early foundations of the state of Mississippi and raised in the Bible-belt, I seemed to have a lot of pressure on my life to be "all that and a bag of chips" when it comes to spiritual things.  So for me to share something that was such a personal struggle and hidden from everyone is very difficult for me.  I'm hoping it will encourage others to keep pressing on.

You know that moment when a truth is revealed and you don't know whether to cry, shout, scream or faint?  Yeah....I had that moment on Wednesday, January 13th.

For years, I had believed a lie.  I had swallowed this jagged little pill handed to me from the time I was a small child.  This lie gave me excruciating pain throughout my life progressively getting worse as I got older. You see, I was born with Spina Bifida Myelomeningocele meaning the end of my spinal column was open to the outside with fluid leakage.  Keep in mind this was the mid-70s. Apparently, the doctors missed the hole in my back when sending me home with my mom.  She was the one who discovered it at the first diaper change.  She immediately went into prayer and saw the miraculous take place.  The hole in my back closed instantly.  No more leakage, no more gross looking opening.

All my life I have been plagued with back issues.  Every time my back would ache or it would hurt for me to walk, my mom would tell me it was because of my birth defect.  And this is where the lie began without me even knowing it.  No fault of my mom.  She is a God-fearing, faith filled woman.  She just didn't understand the power of her words.

The pain in my back grew worse as time went on.  I would have falling spells where it felt as if I lost all feeling in my legs and I would collapse. Again, the "it's because of ..." would come up.  This went on and on.  I had difficulty standing for long periods of time, walking long distances, and sitting for extended periods of time.  The lie grew stronger.

In 2004, I sought medical treatment for a pinched nerve in my neck that was causing migraines.  When the doctor showed me the x-rays of my back, I knew that I was in trouble.  I was missing discs up and down my spine, there was degeneration of the vertebrae, and my spine looked as if someone had twisted it.  The bones looked weak and fragile. He told me that eventually I would lose the ability to walk.  So, the lie became a dark reality.   I never told anyone what the doctor said.  I didn't want to be seen as anything less than a faith-filled Christian.  I knew my mom would always tell me the story about being healed as an infant.  And yet, here I was looking at this horrible future of being wheelchair bound.  I was caught between divine healing and a lie that had become so real it was frightening.  I did my best to believe I was healed, but it never materialized.  I have seen many miracles in my lifetime, but I had not received the one that I so desperately needed.  I had prayed for others to be healed and watched as their healing manifested all the while feeling like a hypocrite because I didn't have my healing.  And the lie dug deeper and took root.  I believed the Word of God to be true, but somehow I just couldn't grab hold of it for my own personal miracle.  I couldn't seem to make it work for me.  I would quote the Word when I prayed, but nothing happened.  I struggled to believe.  I knew that God would heal me in His own time. I knew that when He did, He would get the glory.  I kept on saying, "one day, I will get my healing".

Over the years, my condition seemed to grow worse and worse.  I could feel grinding and grating in my back as I moved.  Every day that I could walk, I would praise God  There were days that I couldn't walk without excruciating pain. But I got up and moved anyway.  There were times that all I could do is lay in bed and cry because of the pain.  There were days that I would take pain killers and muscle relaxers just so I could get through the day.  The lie was branching out more and more as I struggled. And yet, I praised Him. Through the pain, through all the difficulty, I praised Him.

Then kids came along.  The doctors were amazed that I was able to bear the load of carrying babies with my back in the shape it was in. Because of my spinal condition, I had to have C-Sections.  No biggie. Yes, I felt like a failure as a mother for a bit anyway before I had to snap back to reality and take care of the babies. With the first child the epidural took. With the second one, not so much.  The anesthesiologist ripped the sack that holds my spinal fluid and  I had to have a procedure done called a "blood patch" to seal the hole.  PAINFUL!  But it was better than passing out every time I stood up.
Now, I had to get up and move no matter what.  I would push through it to take care of the little ones.

And my back worsened. My back issues became my crutch to blame for what I couldn't do.  I can't go there because of my back. I can't do that because of my back.  I would use that as my excuse to not be involved and not participate.  I had been prayed for numerous times. The lie became such a stronghold it was defeating my faith.  There were times I would stand in prayer lines to be prayed for and I would get passed over by the people doing the praying. I figured it wasn't my time to be healed yet or that God had decided not to heal me which was nothing more lies sprouting up.

The last time I received prayer for my back was during a home group meeting.  My back popped.  Part of me wanted to believe while the other part was saying that it was just a routine pop and nothing more.  I left it at that. I so desperately wanted to believe that I was healed.  The pain, grinding and grating continued.

Right before Thanksgiving of last year, I took a nice little tumble in the Kroger parking lot.  At the urging of the guy from Fire and Rescue that happened to see me fall and ran to my aid, I went to the ER.  I had deeply bruised my right knee and hip.  So I went home on some really great pain killers.  One week to the day of my fall, I bent over to pick up a toy and was stuck.  I couldn't come back up.  I had to walk my hands up the wall to straighten myself out.  I cried all the way back to the living room.  I looked rather mechanical in my movements.  I figured I had done damage to my back when I fell. My husband urged and begged me to go see a doctor about my back.  He found huge knots in my back as would massage my back. He would rub and massage my back while praying over my almost every night all the while begging me to go to the doctor.  I was bed-ridden for a few days and had to take everything slow.  I even gave up something that I really enjoyed, going to the gym every day.

At the beginning of this year, I prayed and asked God to reveal the areas in my life that I have been believing a lie.  I had no idea the repercussions of praying such a prayer.  It's like praying for patience and then face palm with a "DOH!" when you all the sudden have a load of tribulation.

I finally gave in to my husband's urgings and made an appointment to see a specialist.  My appointment was set for Monday, January 11th.  They x-rayed, scanned, poked and prodded my back.  The doctor sounded encouraging as she said that the initial look at the x-rays didn't show any degeneration.  Huh?  No degeneration?  Odd.  I had a follow-up appointment on Wednesday, January 13th.  She sat me down and put the x-rays up for me to see.  I had to ask her if she had the right x-rays.  She said there was no trace of the Spina Bifida at all.  All my discs were intact and healthy.  No bulged discs, no slipped discs, no missing discs. My spinal column looked strong and in near perfect alignment.  Creative miracle!  God restored my spine!  This is no other way to put than God rebuilt my spine.  I didn't know whether to faint, shout, cry, run around the building or what.  I sat there in awe, completely dumbfounded.  Speechless.

The Word says in Mark 11:24, "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them."  This is hard to do when the symptoms haven't left.  When everything is telling you that you haven't received, how then are we to proceed?  It's hard to have faith when there is such a stronghold of doubt and unbelief.  Matthew 7:7-8 has the answer, "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."  We have to fight for our faith.  Jude 1:3 tells us to "earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints". How do we contend for the faith?  Through prayer.  I never stopped praying or asking for prayer for my back.  I never stopped believing that one day, I would have my healing.  I had nothing else to go on.  The doctors said I would lose the ability to walk. I had all this negative information bombarding me telling me that there was no hope.  But even with the tiniest shred of hope, faith can grow.  I had a sliver of hope to believe that one day I would be healed.  I held on to that hope no matter how fleeting it seemed.

Some might ask, why do some receive such miraculous healing and some don't.  I have no clue.  I don't have all the answers.  All I can do is encourage you to hold on to hope with all you have.

Does my back still hurt? Yes, but now I don't let it define me or define what I can and can't do.  Am I undergoing therapy on my back? Yes. Why? To strengthen my back muscles and improve my posture.  I plan on being as strong as I can be.  That all starts with a strong foundation.  Our spines are the foundations of our bodies.  If our spines are jacked up, then we are jacked up.  It leads to all sorts of problems in different areas of our bodies.  The same is with our spiritual walk.  If our foundation is built on faith and hope through Christ Jesus, then our life will be strong through the storms.  If we build on a foundation of fractured faith mixed with lies and doubt, then our spiritual walk will be a faulty one plagued with all sorts of issues.

So be strong and stedfast in what you believe.  Let go of fear and spit out the lies the enemy has fed you.  If the Word says you can have it, then confess it, believe it, stand on it, and fight for it.

Featured Shop of June 4th, 2012

This week I am featuring a relatively new shop from Etsy, Paper Movement.

Meet Amberley, owner and artisan of Paper Movement:

I guess you could say we're almost still newlyweds, my husband and I got married a year and a half ago. We don't have any children just yet, but we'd definitly love some in the future. We both love kids.

My husband had the idea of creating cards because he works in a print shop and because of that he has also become quite good at graphic design. I also enjoy designing, and that works out great because we help each other design our products and then Korey can print them himself where he works!

We started designing cards about half a year ago and have been slowly building up our collection. We just joined Etsy less than a week ago! My husband read about Etsy on the internet and he thought a community like that would be a great way to market our cards and posters.

Our name Paper Movement comes from the idea that paper can be used to glorify Christ. The movement idea behind our name is the idea that we want the paper we use to make a difference. This works in designing God-centred products, as well as in how we respond with what our paper can bring us (money..also made of paper).

We talk quite a bit about Untouchable Children, which is what we're moving to help. We first learned about them after reading Revolution In World Missions by K.P. Yohannon. It's a very gripping book by Gospel for Asia's founder.

The Dalits, or ‘Untouchables’ are the lowest class of people in parts of Asia under the Hindu caste system. The caste system has actually been made illegal, but unfortunately the devastating effects still remain. The majority of these people are desperately poor, exploited and powerless to change their destiny.

- The word “Dalit” means “ground”, “suppressed”, “crushed”, or “broken to pieces”.
- There are more than 240,000,000 Dalits in India, 70,000,000 of them are under 18
- There are about 2,000,000 sex slave children in India, almost all of whom are Dalits.
- Their illiterasy rate in some areas can be as high as 90%
- Every hour, two Dalits are assaulted, three Dalit women raped, two Dalits murdered and two Dalit houses burned, according to the Human Rights Education Movement of India, yet only one percent of those who commit crimes against Dalits are ever convicted.  Because these children are denied opportunity, these children are likely to remain in this vicious cycle of poverty, just like their parents.

We want to help support GFA - Bridge of Hope rescue these children with Jesus' love, quality education, a daily meal and medical care. 50 cents, and one dollar at a time...add it up and we could really make a huge difference!

For anyone starting out crafting I'm just recommend that you do something that you love and are passionate about. If you're just in it for the money it'll be frustrating when things go slower than you wish they would. Have fun, and be persistent!

Featured Shop of 2/13/12

This week I am featuring Beata Belanszky Demko's Contemporary Original Artworks from Etsy.com

Meet Beata Belanszky Demko, owner of Beata Belanszky Demko's Contemporary Original Artworks

I am a wife and mom and live with my little family in Hungary. I started painting after the birth of my son. He is almost 4 years old, and since then I had many exhibition locally and internationally also.  I am the member of a Transylvanian Artists community and participate in international artist's painting camps.

Painting is my passion and my life. Colors really take me on a journey to another world. The procedure of painting satisfies my soul and hopefully it reaches the soul of the new owner too. I can't be more happy but when the painting finds its owner and the owner finds his / her painting.

What Is Love?

2-9-12

Ah...February.....National Heart Month, National Marriage Month, National Empty Your Pockets On Trinkets & Chocolate Month.

Where did January go?  Here we are almost Mid-February and staring down the barrels of Valentine's Day.  This is the month we celebrate our love for each other, shower each other with romantic cards and gifts.  But what is love?  Is it a chemical mix that happens in our brains causing an euphoric feeling or is it something else.  Love is an action verb not a complacent noun or an elated feeling.  Love is putting the thoughts, will, feelings, well being and best interests of another person or persons over your own thoughts, will, feelings, well being, and interests.  Love is a sacrifice.  It will cost you something and sometimes everything.

Today, love is thrown around lightly as if it is some magical thing to be cast upon someone to make that person do what we want him or her to do for us.  We love them as long as they give us what we want.  We love in word only and not in deed.  Is this love? I think not.

Even in the Church, the Body of Christ, we say "I love you" to people then talk about them when their backs are turned.  This is NOT the love we are supposed to have one for another.  We turn our backs on those who have wronged us instead of loving them.  We criticize those who do not do things according to our purposes, desires, and needs.  If we are not catered to, we pout and stomp our feet like children.  If we feel slighted by one of the people we claim we love, we don't speak to that person for months until they come to us and ask what's wrong.  Is this love?  I think not.

In the work place, our bosses may tell us "We love you and think the world of you" but plot to fire us at the first sign of any conceived insurrection without the possibility of defending ourselves.  They applaud us in front of some only to back stab us in front of others.  Is this love?  I think not.

Jesus spoke relentlessly about love. Mark 12:30-31 tells us, "And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with [d]your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment. The second is like it and is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." If we truly love God, then we should truly love those around us.

1 John 4:20 tells us that if our love for God is reflected in our love for others, "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" 1 John 2:15 says, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him."

John 13:34 says, "I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another." John 15:12-13 says, "This is My commandment: that you love one another [just] as I have loved you. No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends."

So what is love?  1 Corinthians 13:3-8 tells is, "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.  It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]."

1 Peter 4:8 tells us, "Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and [a]disregards the offenses of others]".  In other words, we don't go around pointing out the past or present sins of others.  We love them in spite of who they are.  We look past what was there and is there to see what could be there.  Love looks to the future of a person, not their past.

When another points out the failings of a person, the love in us should cover that person and the one bringing the accusation. Love sees the sinner who is in need of a Savior not the sin. So often, we hate the sinner and wink at the sin.  Galatians 6:1 gives us this admonition, "Brethren, if any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also."  This is love in action.

The next time, you tell someone you love them, mean what you say and live what you say.

Most scriptures taken from the Amplified Version.  Some taken from the King James Version.

Week of 1/3/2012 Featured Shop

This week I am featuring Spirit Scroller

Meet Danny Knox, creator of Spirit Scroller

I discovered the scroll saw when I was about 27 years old. I played with it a bit here and there, but it wasn't until my 40's that I really started to get into it. it was also about that time that I was introduced to Jesus Christ and entered into a relationship with Him. I believe that God has given me a woodworking gift and I have an overwhelming desire to share the creations that come out of that relationship.

Thank you so much for supporting what I consider to be a ministry. I pray that these items will bless you and those you come in contact with. I hope to hear from you real soon.

A Lesson In Faith As Taught By A Four Year Old

I have always tried my best to teach my children, even though they are still very young, the power of faith in God and prayer.  I never really know how much it sinks in after all they are 2 years old and 4 years old. My oldest, James, is very literal when it comes to what you tell him as well as very flamboyant.  This little jewel has all the makings of a powerful man of God.  There have been many times he has told me something that God told him.  It blows my mind that most adults can't even hear God and a four year old can already distinguish His voice.

On Sunday, my oldest had just entered the children's church room at our church and politely told his teacher that the devil was in the room and they needed to pray so he would leave.  Well, of course, the teacher did just as James asked.  His teacher told me that they had the best time in children's church after they all had prayed. But the story doesn't end there...

Tuesday, I woke up with a headache on the verge of being a migraine.  Every little noise was piercing to my head.  Well, James decides to start bouncing on the bed telling me to get up because it was "morning time".  I had to ask him to stop because it was really starting to make me nauseous. His little response was, "You no feel good?"  I told him my head was hurting and asked him to pray.  This was where it gets so sweet.  He comes over and put his hands on my belly and starting praying this little prayer, "God is our Healer. Jesus will heal you by 10 o'clock this morning.  Amen."

He then runs off to play.  I dragged myself out of bed and told my husband what James had said.  He was just as amazed as I was that this little child had faith enough in God to believe for a healing and even went as far as to be bold enough to put a time on it.  By 10 o'clock, I was completely pain and symptom FREE!

My child knew more about the power of faith that I could have ever imagined.  Somehow, all of those lessons and praying over him had sunk deep within his little spirit.  He embodied Hebrews 11:1 which states, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". (KJV) He knows enough about God to know that he can have the things he prays for.  If we all could have such faith.  His substance of things hoped for was my healing, the evidence is what he had heard me teach him about God and Jesus.  Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (KJV)

Hebrews 11:6 says, "But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him."(KJV)

Hear the words of Jesus as stated in Mark 10:15, "Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive and accept and welcome the kingdom of God like a little child [does] positively shall not enter it at all." (AMP)

If only we would become as little children and believe God at His word, how much better would this world be.

This Week's Featured Shop

This week's featured Etsy shop is Make It Special Mosaics:

Meet Rose Gutierrez, owner & creative genius of Make It Special Mosaics:

My desire to create unique mosaic art brings me immeasurable joy and pleasure. I am extremely blessed by the Lord for this gift and for the inspiration He brings to me each day.

It is with hope that something I have designed will find its way into your home, office or as a gift for someone special. Custom designs are my specialty. Feel free to contact me with any ideas and I will work with you to Make It Special!! It’s a pleasure to share my art with you.

Major Sale

MAJOR SALE!   •  MAJOR SALE!

 

We are having a major sale beginning at midnight, November 26th through Midnight November 28th.  Save 35% off all Necklaces and Sets (excluding Sterling Silver).  This is the biggest sale we have run to date.  As always, we offer FREE domestic shipping and a FREE Priority Mail upgrade on all domestic orders $40 or more. After this sale is over, you can still save 20% off on every order of $15 or more.  Coupon code will be posted on November 29th.  Happy shopping!

Congratulations!

Congratulations to Ginny Carlson from Leah's Heart. She won the Christian Artists Promoting Shops Team's Item Based Treasury Contest on Etsy.  Click here to view her winning treasury.  Make sure you visit her blog as well.  Ginny wins a full month of advertising on this blog.  Her shop, Leah's Heart, will also be featured December 5th through December 11th.

Congrats also go out to our two runners up, Roxanne of watercolorNmore and EweniqueDesigns.  Roxanne's treasury is here, and EweniqueDesigns' treasury is here.  Both of these artisans will be featured during the month of December.  Roxanne's shop will be featured December 12th through December 18th. EweniqueDesigns will be featured the following week.

Again congratulations to all our winners and many happy sales during this Christmas shopping season!

Shelly Owen
Raziela Designs

Featured Shop of 11/21/11

This week I am featuring Spread The Word Jewelry & Art from Etsy.com

Meet April, Owner/Artist of Spread The Word:

I enjoy making things. God created me to be creative! I take photographs of everything. I just recently started making jewelry. It's so much fun coming up with new creations. I also enjoy writing poetry and drawing. My husband has also been making several copper pieces with me. It's so nice to see his work and plus we get to spend time together while creating new pieces. love him!

If you need any items personalized, I would LOVE to do a designer piece unique to you.

**Check out my monster lizard designs at my other etsy store : MonsterLizardDesigns**

Week of 11/14/11 Featured Shop

This week I am featuring Proclaim His Name from Etsy.

Meet James Michael Shirden, Owner/Artist of Proclaim His Name:

I live in Erlanger Kentucky, and work with my brothers and my dad in a small family business. Many years prior I served in the Air Force for eight years, calling both Germany and England home for a time.

I began painting about five years ago, after my children, Jamie and Cory, no longer needed me for entertainment. I currently live a simple life with my two Boston Terriers, Ethel and Alice, and when I'm not working, I'm painting. I keep the Sabbath and the Feast Days of Yah, and adhere to the Torah. Needless to say, I'm quite an oddity around here.

I was raised in a Christian family, and I raised a Christian family, but I never really thought too much about my faith. I just took it for granted. About three years ago, I began to realize that I was missing so much and felt compelled to search the scriptures, to learn all I could about our Creator, about our Redeemer, and to find out, from the source, how I am to live my life. My journey is just beginning, and my relationship with Him grows everyday.

My desire is to share His name with others, to "Proclaim His Name." I have no idea how many people know the name of our Creator and the name of His son, but I fear it is relatively few. I didn't for most of my life. I want to change that. If just one of my paintings prompts someone to learn more, to dig deeper, if a question pops into their mind that they are compelled to answer, then I will have succeeded.  Original Artwork to "Proclaim His Name" in your home. Many paintings have a simple theme...our Creator's name, or the name of our Messiah. Other paintings take an article, such as the Menorah, or an idea or message from scripture, and make a visual statement. My desire is to create art that inspires the viewer to think beyond what is on the canvas.  100% of the price you pay for your painting will be donated to amazima.org.

Week of 9/19/2011 Featured Shop

This week I am featuring Bramblewood Fashion Boutique from Etsy:

Hello! My name is Ashley. I'm twenty-one years old. A Christian. A stay at home daughter who is a home-school graduate who loved everything old-fashioned. I strive to dress modestly, but in a very feminine and modernized vintage way. In all I do, I hope to glorify God! Soli Deo Gloria! I also run a modest fashion blog called, Bramblewood Fashion. Be sure to stop by and say hello!

I grew up loving anything artsy. When I was growing up you would find me covered in paint, glitter in my hair, glue on my hands, singing in a hairbrush, and putting on plays for my family.

Now, I put all this creativity into my home business - sewing and crafting for you! I enjoy creating. In my shop you will find skirts that are modest - yet stylish and girlie, purses that hold everything a girl needs, earrings that take you to a far away place, dresses that are vintage-inspired, aprons that have a touch of elegance, and what ever else that strikes my fancy! :)

My store, Bramblewood Fashion Boutique, is dedicated towards modest fashions that are stylish for today's ladies. All skirts are unique, you won't find another one like them anywhere. I draft all my own skirt patterns. Everything in my shop is ready to ship. There is no waiting for me to make everything.

http://bramblewoodfashion.blogspot.com
http://bramblewoodfashion.tumblr.com
http://twitter.com/#!/BramblewoodF
http://www.facebook.com/BramblewoodFashion